Football Forum | Ticket Forum | Off-Topic Forum | All

cup of tea 4:48 Sun May 17
Have you ever been 'up close and personal' with a Dangerous Animal?

I must admit, some creatures scare the fucking life out of me - mostly dangerous spiders but also sea creatures. I know the chances of getting 'done' by someothing deadly is remote but this is why I have no ambition to go to Australia etc.

I was stung by a jellyfish is Spain many years ago, not poisonous but it fucking hurt - a lifeguard asked if I could piss in to a cup and pour it on the sting - I couldn't go so he poured loads of vinegar on it and I had 2 red lines on my leg. The stinging died down after a few hours but it scared teh shite out of me.

Apart from that my Aunts Jack Russell bit me when I was 8 years old but it was my fault for pulling its tail - still ended up in A&E for a tetanus (JR's are fucking fast nippy tossers)

So, anyone been 'done' by a venomous snake, spider, sea creature?

Ronald_antly 10:09 Tue May 19
Re: Have you ever been 'up close and personal' with a Dangerous Animal?

One hot Sydney evening I stepped out the backdoor.
I noticed some movement out of the corner of my eye.
It was a funnel web spider, about six feet from me.
The movement I had noticed was it assuming the position shown in the thread icon. It is their way of saying "Come any closer, and I will fucking DO YA!!"

The senses become very heightened when confronted with one of those fuckers, I can tell you.

Pilly 10:02 Tue May 19
Re: Have you ever been 'up close and personal' with a Dangerous Animal?

Sual Bollox

I too have stroked the crocidiles in Gambia.

What was more worrying was after doing that and walking round the corner, was the 12 foot femaile sitting in the middle of the path which had the major arse ache as some one had trodden on its tail when it had been hiding in the grass. The little guide just turned round and literally shoved us all back as fast and hard as he could.

Also as we were leaving the place they were pulling up the drains as they thought one of the crocs had got up the drains and gone into the villiage.

He also told us the story, that in the 70s they thought they had a murderer in the viliiage as a few kids had dissapeared. When the dry season and drought kicked in and the pond shrunk in size, they then found the bodies of the kids and lots of dogs etc. One of the crocs was making night time trips up the drains (which were basically a trough dug out the ground with a paving stone laid over the top) and helping itself to the local kids and pets....

fraser 6:49 Tue May 19
Re: Have you ever been 'up close and personal' with a Dangerous Animal?

HH how you keeping, are you getting better?

Hammerhermit 5:42 Tue May 19
Re: Have you ever been 'up close and personal' with a Dangerous Animal?

Had a 100 acres in the Snowys that had huge kangaroos on. Before I became ill we had a red- belly black snake in our house in a Sydney and the odd poisonous spiders.
Up in the sticks a lot of snakes mainly ok a lot of.joeys.

Monk~koknee 4:55 Tue May 19
Re: Have you ever been 'up close and personal' with a Dangerous Animal?

A few smallish King Cobras when I lived on The Peak in HK. We had a cat at the time which seemed to think that the occasional sparring with them was a good idea.

Also a Mexican standoff with a Bamboo Snake on a path from Mid-Levels to The Peak.

Far East Hammer 3:10 Tue May 19
Re: Have you ever been 'up close and personal' with a Dangerous Animal?

Not been bitten thus far *touch wood* but...

When I was about 13 I almost stepped on a European pit viper in Italy, whilst walking through long grass - which shat me up and made me scared of snakes for quite a few years.

In Hong Kong, I've encountered a few cobras. One small one I almost trod on once (Mrs FEH yelled at me just in time). One time alongside the path I was on, and just down the slope a bit was a magnificent six foot specimen reared up. Also in Hong Kong, came across a couple of king cobras once (at the time thought they were rat snakes, a couple of days later when checking in a mate's book on snakes of Hong Kong I realized that rat snakes are generally active at night, not day, and generally don't get anywhere near as long as the ones I saw)

In the Philippines I've been in a cage with a tiger. And once on a beach in Cebu a banded sea snake swam past me, rubbing up against my ankle.

At an orangutan sanctuary in Sabah, saw one of those just released in the wild gradually appear at feeding time. First of all thought it was wind in the trees, then see an orange dot gradually getting bigger, see the limbs outstretched then a minute later it jumps out of the trees right alongside me, stuffs his face fall of bananas (quite comically - had about a half dozen stuck out of his gob) then disappears back into the forest.

Also at that place in a cage was one rescued from being a pet but was unable to be released into the wild (been domesticated too long). He stuck his arms out of the cage and waved me over, then pointed at a stick and we had a game of catch for a while.

Then finally, I've been married to Mrs FEH for seventeen years - does that count!? :-)

Saul Bollox 3:01 Tue May 19
Re: Have you ever been 'up close and personal' with a Dangerous Animal?

I have stroke a fully grown live crocodile in The Gambia

fraser 1:27 Tue May 19
Re: Have you ever been 'up close and personal' with a Dangerous Animal?

Morning Ronald

Ronald_antly 1:22 Tue May 19
Re: Have you ever been 'up close and personal' with a Dangerous Animal?

Yeah, frasier, but you know nothing about humour.

fraser 1:09 Tue May 19
Re: Have you ever been 'up close and personal' with a Dangerous Animal?

ChesterRd 12:51 Tue May 19

This post amused me.

ChesterRd 12:51 Tue May 19
Re: Have you ever been 'up close and personal' with a Dangerous Animal?

I was visiting Cleland wildlife park in South Australia, temps were soaring and they were about to shut due to fire risk so I’m about the only one wandering around. I’d bought some feed the animal type pellets as you do and off I go. The animals are out in the open so there is no fencing between them and you. I saw some Kangeroos lying down in the shade under a tree and wandered over to give some pellets to some of the ones not lying down then all of a sudden this kangaroo gets up and next thing this 8ft tall bastard is standing about 12 inches away from me. I didn’t know whether to run or give it some pellets, box it or what. Anyway, I slung a load of pellets on the ground and walked away as quickly as I could without running. Thankfully it didn’t come after me.

I must have been suffering from sun stroke as I then approached a couple of emus and held my hand out with these pellets and the force of their beaks coming down nearly took my hand off. I tried to make a hasty retreat but they were on to me and I couldn’t shake them off. In the end I had to stand my ground and shouted at them to piss off whilst slinging the remaining pellets as far as I could. Again that did the trick.

I also had a close encounter with a Kite in Hwange Game Park in Zimbabwe. The lodge had an outdoor kitchen and it was a buffet breakfast. I could see these plate covers and thought, well don’t need one of them in his heat so wandered from the kitchen tent towards a table with my full English and before I knew it I felt this force and whoosh a Kite had swooped down and taken a sausage off my plate, nothing else disturbed. Turns out the plate covers were to stop that happening!

whubucks 12:11 Tue May 19
Re: Have you ever been 'up close and personal' with a Dangerous Animal?

My brother in law got trapped in his house by a mad pheasant. Fucker attqcked him every time he came outside.

whubucks 10:12 Mon May 18
Re: Have you ever been 'up close and personal' with a Dangerous Animal?

Just evicted a European Hornet. It was as big as my thumb, honestly. Used a pint glass and cardboard. I swear I could feel the weight of it.

VirginiaHam 7:25 Mon May 18
Re: Have you ever been 'up close and personal' with a Dangerous Animal?

Skukuza Rest Camp in Kruger National. We arrived at noon, and the baboons were whizing around the place and attacking the wheely bins. Welcome to the Crocodile river, which was full of hippos, hence this massive piece of cable on top of the perimeter fence, designed th keep the hippos out.

After we arrived we did a 3 hour drive of the area, and got back just before the gates closed for the night, at 6.00pm. We noticed a large hyena wandfering around about 200 yards from the gates, but thought nothing about it.

After dinner (now pitch black) the Mrs. is putting the kids to bed, and I'm sat on a bench overlooking the river, and having a beer with the Saffa we are travelling with.

On the other side of the fence appears the hyena. You'd better believe how big they are.....their shoulders are at least four feet from the ground. The thing looked at me and the Saffa, sniffed the air and wandered off.

Thank God for the hippo cable.....

simon.s 12:57 Mon May 18
Re: Have you ever been 'up close and personal' with a Dangerous Animal?

Eggy, the cage that stays on the surface, is the one I'd probably do.

Off The Shin 12:54 Mon May 18
Re: Have you ever been 'up close and personal' with a Dangerous Animal?

I was once paid £40 to fight a family of seven otters in the back room of the Four Arms pub in Swansea.

Turns out otters are not that violent and I smashed the fucked to pieces within minutes. Dissapointing really as I trained for months for the bout on the premise that these fuck era were game little bastards.

Sadly the experience left me over confident and the following gig two weeks later in Barnsley I cam unstuck against a couple of badgers and spent 2 months in intensive care.

Gave it up after that

goose 12:44 Mon May 18
Re: Have you ever been 'up close and personal' with a Dangerous Animal?

no danger but went on safari in kenya a few years back. one lakeside lodge we stayed in, the hotel staff insisted you were escorted back to your villa at nigth because of the Hippos.
Thought it was a con just to make some tips, until i woke in the middle of the night to the noise of a Hippo 'snuffling' outside. Must have been about 50 of them outside.

WHUDeano 12:34 Mon May 18
Re: Have you ever been 'up close and personal' with a Dangerous Animal?

Coffee 12:02 Mon May 18

Top, top story that mate! Can imagine it too - stayed in some villages in Sri Lanka where they have built escape towers to climb up if elephants come onto their property at night. Dangerous, dangerous animals.

Had a couple of experiences in Nepal, nothing like that though - went for a walk with a guide in Chitwan, warned about the dangers: 'tigers no problem, crocodile no problem, rhino....big problem, climb a tree or die' lucky enough the only rhinos I saw were when I was sitting on the back of an elephant!

Had quite an eventful experience in Borneo as well, got taken in a night safari by a no-nothing guide. He got the hump because someone was talking and slipped off back to camp, left 4 of us alone in the jungle with only a little torch to see. Lucky enough one of the blokes with us was a biology teacher and a bit of a Steve Irwin type and ended up being an amazing guide. Was a great crack being lost for an hour or so, but almost went seriously wrong when my missus was nearly bitten by a viper and the other blokes missus was about an inch from putting her hand on a huge spider. Don't think the guide was employed for much longer after that!

As an apology the guesthouse owner arranged a night time boat tour along a little river that would take us deep into the heart of the jungle. Of course our captain and guide turned out to be a 14 year old - was an amazing experience, although the girls weren't too happy! What was supposed to be an hour ended up being 3 hours, loved it but the time was right to turn back when he had taken us so far into the jungle that the river had become very closed in and he almost flipped our little boat on a hidden log - croc infested river of course!

Far Cough 12:29 Mon May 18
Re: Have you ever been 'up close and personal' with a Dangerous Animal?

Tetanus jab, ag ag ag

Eggbert Nobacon 12:28 Mon May 18
Re: Have you ever been 'up close and personal' with a Dangerous Animal?

before I went I had trip to doctors to see if needed injections or anything

Nure asked if I was doing a safari or anything, I said no but was diving with gret whites

She said I should have a tentus booster incase I got bit

I politely pointed out while trying not to laugh that if got bitten by a great white tetnus would be the very least of my worries

Far Cough 12:25 Mon May 18
Re: Have you ever been 'up close and personal' with a Dangerous Animal?

Well, I was wrong apparently, White's don't have nictitating membranes like a lot of other sharks, they just roll their eyes back in attack mode

Page 1 - Next